Have you ever had a conversation with someone else – or yourself – where you’re explaining something like “a part of me is so angry at my parents that I could …” or “sometimes a part of me thinks that I am not worthy of…” or even simply “I think a part of me is craving (insert delicious food here)”? If so, you are already using the language of Internal Family Systems, or IFS!
This approach to therapy views all individuals as having a core self whose essence is calm, confident, curious, compassionate, courageous, creative, clear, and connected. We feel this core self when we are at our best -organized, efficient, stabilized, and at the top of our game. The core self is essentially the leader of our unique internal system that is made up of different mental ‘parts’ or ‘sub-personalities’ that all serve a purpose in keeping us feeling safe and secure. These parts can be classified as helping parts, learning parts, organizing parts, danger detecting parts, etc… and there can also be more extreme parts including those self-critical, addictive, and shaming parts too. You can view it like this: your core self is always present, but sometimes your more extreme parts or sub-personalities can take over and ‘run the system’. However, despite having a negative reputation, these extreme parts – whether they are incredibly critical, shaming, aggressive, or even addictive – all exist in order to protect you from pain and trauma. There are no bad parts!
Image from Holding Hope Marriage & Family Therapy via Google Images
These protective parts typically form during our childhood when we’re exposed to abuse, intense criticism, rejection, shame, or just frequent invalidation and dismissiveness. This can lead to emotional wounds and vulnerabilities, which are then exiled into the depths of our bodies and minds. When these old emotional wounds and vulnerabilities are activated or triggered in present day, our protective parts aim to control a situation or distract our core self from what’s going on because they don’t think we can handle any potential pain or distress! We can view these more extreme parts of our psyche - the protective parts - as either firefighters or managers.
Managers
Parts of our brain that are proactive and prepared to handle daily life difficulties & potential danger so that we are safe and healthy
Help with food intake, sleep patterns, following through with duties like work responsibilities, studying, chores, etc and following norms
Less healthy manager parts attempt to control and ‘police’ our thoughts, actions, and feeling leading to distress
Exiles
The youngest and most vulnerable parts of us – sometimes called “inner children”
Parts that have experienced trauma and emotional wounds that can cause shame
Are often trapped in the past and shut away
Firefighters
Parts that are very developed and reactive; emerge/come into action when there is already perceived danger or threat in order to soothe and fix the problem
The perceived danger or threat may not actually be life threatening – firefighter parts may emerge when there is something we disagree with, are bored by, or feel scared about
Dysfunctional or less healthy firefighter parts lead to self-soothing behaviors that can become out of control, including addictive behaviors such as using drugs, binge-drinking, binge-eating, smoking, excessive porn intake, etc
The IFS approach reminds us that despite parts of us that are extreme, controlling, or overall dysfunctional, they all exist to keep us safe. We engage in behaviors that we have adapted in order to continue surviving, and there is nothing shameful about that… but perhaps there are more safe and productive behaviors we could engage in to fully live. If you are curious about learning more about this approach to therapy, please schedule an appointment today!
Sources
New to Internal Family Systems (IFS)? Here are the basics. Psychotherapy and Spirituality Institute. (2020, August 6). https://psinyc.org/new-to-internal-family-systems/
Rizzo, A. (2021, February 15). IFS protector parts (managers and firefighters) - what are they? Therapy with Alessio. https://www.therapywithalessio.com/articles/ifs-protector-parts-what-are-they
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